Reaching For The Light

"Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.” 

- Sarah Ban Breathnach 

The last couple of years have been the hardest years of my life, emotionally that is.  My losses and struggles really took a toll on me, yet I wouldn’t trade that valley for the highest mountain experience ever.  I wouldn’t trade because the walk through the valley forced me to make the changes in my life that I was stuffing into the box of denial and avoidance.  The word seasons has been done to death when relating to life, but it is absolutely the best description I can think of.  My experience forced me from Summer into Fall.  I find it interesting that Fall has always truly been my favorite season of nature, but when it came to the seasons of life, I avoided it like the plague.  Now that I have transitioned and accepted all it has to offer, I am in love all over again.

So many beautiful things have come out of this experience.  First and foremost I am experiencing a closer walk with God.  He was with me every step of the journey and gifted me with insight of who He made me to be and how time weaves change into each season.  I am still the same person, but with different purposes for different times.  He showed me that even though my life may change, He never changes and His love stays the same, always.

I had to learn acceptance of myself and others, true forgiveness, unconditional love, and dependence upon God.  At the risk of sounding cliché, I had to let go, and let God.

As a result of what I have learned, I am able to enjoy this season.  I have learned that I don’t really want to work so hard; that being a grandmother doesn’t mean I have to let my hair go gray and wear a tent dress, it means I now have some children to love, spoil, create memories with, and pass along family traditions to; that I NEED to write, it’s good therapy; that I can help others because of the struggles I have experienced; and that basically, I am OK, just as I am.

A few of my pumpkins and gourds have tossed a few clods of dirt and are reaching for the light.  I love that.  They have to get through all the dirt to reach the light.  Imagine that…

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” – Hebrews 13:8

 

Garden of Weedin'

“One lifetime is never enough to accomplish one's horticultural goals. If a garden is a site for the imagination, how can we be very far from the beginning?” - Francis Cabot Lowell

If you read my last post, you know that I pretty much had given up on the garden and decided to clear it out and save my strength for next year.  Well…not so much.  I went out to take inventory and ended up harvesting about 2 quarts of green beans, peppers, and cantaloupe and then proceeded to plant Jack-Be-Little pumpkins and some gourds.  The garden is up and running again!  I just can’t do it!  I saw new blooms on the half-dead tomato plants and just that hint of life was the hope and inspiration I needed.  While pulling weeds and grass and clearing out the old squash plants, so many of the things I envisioned at the beginning of spring started running through my mind again:  an old birdhouse that towers over the garden keeping an eye on the flurry of life from nesting birds to bees and butterflies sticking their noses in all the garden’s business; a charming greenhouse constructed with vintage windows on the east side of the garden for sheltering potted plants and new sprouts in winter and early spring and all the while offering a quaint, little dreaming space for the gardener; and an extension of space for roses and cut flowers just past the greenhouse and beyond the fence in a derelict area of yard that sports full sun all day.  It looks so beautiful in my mind’s eye.

It seems there is never enough time for gardening plans.  Life gets in the way.  Oh to spend all my time in the garden, I would truly be happy.  God was the first gardener; He planted a beautiful paradise here on earth in the beginning and planned for us a long life in perfect fellowship with Him.  We all know how that ended.  The evil one slithered in and started all his drama and well, the rest is history.  So now here we are in need of inspiration to keep us going.  In my attempt to wade through the mess we made, God is an endless source of inspiration; He is the first bloom on my roses in Spring, the cushion of grass under my feet, the soft breeze on my face just when it seems too hot, and He was the new bloom on the half-dead tomato plant that inspired me to keep planting.  He is everything that is beautiful, not only in the garden, but in this life.

“And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed.” – Genesis 2:8

A Good Haul

The best place to find God is in a garden. You can dig for him there. - George Bernard Shaw

 

The squash and cucumber plants have died away and the tomato plants are being eaten by some unseen forces.  Hundred plus temperatures are pretty much taking care of the rest of the garden, however, the cantaloupes and peppers are still doing well and the Okra is indestructible!  I have to admit, too, that I haven’t been caring for everything as I once did as my motivation got lost somewhere between the rain, vacation, and heat.  Not something I like to admit, but true. 

 

So, I do believe it may be time to clear out the ruin and lay some landscape fabric to try and control the insanity of grass and weeds.  Man, if only my vegetables were that aggressive!  I am still debating on whether or not to plant anything for fall.  It is getting a bit late, so I may just let it (and me) rest until spring.   It was a good haul.

My favorite memories of the garden this year so far include:

• Spending time with my son and his friend while they helped me prepare the ground
• Finding new vegetable sprouts each morning
• The thousands of tiny ladybugs look a likes (still not sure exactly what they were) I discovered after pulling up a patch of grass
• Planting flowers with my granddaughters
• Fresh salsa
• My garden party!
• My first eggplant (I have never planted these)
• Grandchildren’s hand prints on stepping stones
• Finding cantaloupes amongst the cucumbers that I didn’t know I planted!
• Missile-sized zucchini squash
• My grandbaby picking tomatoes and playing in the dirt
• A freezer full of vegetables!

I am so blessed.  I dreamt last night that I woke up and everything I once had was gone.  It was a very lonely feeling.  When I awoke for real, I realized that I have so very much to be thankful for.  God has blessed me with freedom, family, friends, a beautiful home, a great job, and talent that I can use to bring Him glory.  Gardening is one talent that I hope to pass along to a family member somewhere down the line.  I have such beautiful memories of my mother’s gardens and I hope that my children and grandchildren have the same of mine.  I hope to someday use this talent as a ministry as well.  God dwells in the garden and I know that others can find Him there, if I just plant the seed.

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."  - 2 Corinthians 9:8

So Many Seeds...So Little Time

“We all have a path to take; sometimes it's hidden under the weeds, so you might have to work a little.” ~Mike Dolan

It’s been a great summer for my garden this year; I have seen a bounty of vegetables like no other. Thank goodness, I was beginning to think I didn’t have it in me anymore! Once again, God has shown me that it's not all about me. My green beans are playing out (although I have not checked on them for about a week because we have had so much rain) and the older squash plants as well. The tomatoes are slowing down, and the Roma’s are wrapping it up; they are “determinate”, which means that the fruit ripens at one time, rather than continually through the season, so when they’re done, they’re done. The cantaloupes are running the show now. They are creeping into every corner of the garden! I was admiring the eggplants a few days ago and saw a cantaloupe peeking out from behind. Those little melons get in the darndest places! They have been very entertaining this year.

Thoughts of a fall garden are creeping in, still not too late to plant pumpkins although it would be a little behind schedule because I would want them for Halloween. If they were to befriend the cantaloupe it might end in a hostile takeover!

A fall garden, in Central Texas, Zone 8, might include such as this:  beans, beets, brussel sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, chard, collards, cucumber, eggplant, garlic, lettuce, mustard, parsley, peppers, radish, spinach, squash (summer and winter), tomato, and turnip.

That sounds like a lot of work to me!  I find my drive to keep the garden producing is lacking these days!  It is truly many hours of some back-breaking work, and with the rain I have taken somewhat of a break in working out there, thus grown a little lazy…

So many seeds, so little time...God tell us in the Bible that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  As I struggle to put in the hours it takes to keep a backyard garden growing and flourishing, I think about the fact that I get so much more than I put into it.  I plant one seed and in return get boundless more.  I often think too about how my work for Christ is very much like planting seeds; the work takes time, is often wearisome, and the workers are few, but the bounty I receive as a result explodes exponentially in all areas of my life.  God is so good, so faithful; He opens the windows of Heaven and the blessings pour in.  Seems like a pretty good investment to me!

“Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” – Matthew 9:37-38 NIV

The Dog Days of Summer

"Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it."  Russel Baker

I decided this year I was not going to let the heat get me down.  I would, one way or another, find a way to be positive about it.  It’s hard as I watch my potted annuals wither daily with the midday heat and the grass and weeds take over the garden because my motivation to stifle them dries up.  I have to water every other day just to keep the grass a light brown color, and the 100 plus temperature days are increasing…it’s not as bad as last year, but it’s early yet…oh darn it, there I go being negative again…

My step-father used to say “We are in the dog days of summer”.  I don’t know why I remember that, but once when we were at the lake fishing I remember him saying that while warning me to watch where I walk because of the danger of snakes sunning themselves on the rocks nearby.  My memories of the summers of my childhood are really good ones.  I went outside “to play” first thing and stayed until dusk, sometimes later.  We camped, fished, swam, ran down a rock alley with no shoes to climb on top of the concession stand at the baseball field, and spent weeks and sometimes months with our favorite cousins and relatives.  I don’t remember the heat being such an issue back then…

Wilkipedia says “Dog Days are the hottest, most sultry days of summer.  In the Northern Hemisphere, the  dog days of summer are most commonly experienced in the months of July and August, which typically observe the warmest summer temperatures. In the Southern Hemisphere, they typically occur in January and February, in the midst of the austral summer. The name comes from the ancient belief that Sirius, also called the Dog Star, in close proximity to the sun was responsible for the hot weather.”

God tells us to be thankful in all circumstances.  So here are a few things I am thankful for this summer:

• My garden busting out at the seams
• Watching my granddaughters at the splash pad
• Sunflowers
• Long days
• Another birthday
• A fresh pedicure tucked into flip flops
• Flip flops
• Visiting national parks
• Sno-cones
• Sound of the ice cream truck in my neighborhood
• Fresh herbs
• Blowing bubbles
• Fresh, ripe tomatoes
• A cool breeze on a hot day
• Swimming

Most of all, I am thankful to God for giving me another summer so that I can marvel at the beauty of life in full bloom.

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT

Making the Best of It

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Half a century…that seems like a very, very long time.  Today I turned 50.  I had visions of lying in bed all day lamenting over the fact that I am, in fact, truly getting older.  It’s like I wanted, like it is expected of me to be unhappy, to wallow in misery…but I woke up, refreshed and happy, went for a walk, and worked in the garden, just like I did when I was 49.  I feel the same!  While my body ages, my spirit stays fresh. 

What I love best about being 50 is that I can just be me.  I am OK.  The insecurity I felt in the past is easing up.  I haven’t fully arrived, but I realize that I am a creation of God, and in me, he created a unique being: the way I look, my personality, my soul; all designed for just me.  I strive to see myself through His eyes, as a beloved daughter of the most-high God.  I have an inheritance that only a few can claim (thank you Jesus) and it grows richer with loving and serving others.  I have the best guidebook ever, it is called the Bible.  It is chocked full of expressions of love, wisdom, comfort, and examples of how to live.  All this and a God who will never leave me nor forsake me; I can’t lose; it is as simple as that.  One, or 50 more years, God willing, I want to make the best of it.

Just a few things I have learned over the last 50:  I don’t have to fix everyone else; a mild, non assertive personality pays off in the end; it is OK to say no; forgiveness affords freedom; you have to be as good as you expect everyone else to be; judging others is not my job; gardening is therapy; families are not perfect, but worth the investment; time is more important than things; the child in me lives on; I am not responsible for other people’s feelings or actions; dogs are truly human’s best friends; hurt people hurt people; friends are family we pick for ourselves; marriages can’t survive without God; it’s not all about me after all; being a Christian is not about religion; crying is not a weakness; worrying is not trusting God; you can’t run from your problems but you can sure distance yourself; keep score and you lose; the housework can wait; words hurt; one kind word or gesture can change someone’s day; the past is a great teacher;  you have to look forward, not back; grandchildren rock; and all you need is love…really.

“Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die.”  – Psalm 103:15 NLT

Gardening...A Ministry

"When heaven falls to earth it becomes a garden" ~ Stoufer

My cup runneth over...the freezer is filled with squash and okra that dream of filling a winter stew or gumbo; the table is covered with a bright red sea of ripening tomatoes; peppers, peppers, and more peppers wait in the refrigerator for a cook with a taste for spice; and cucumber and eggplant are still roasting on the vines.  It is hard to believe that just four months ago I was expressing my doubts over whether or not a harvest would ever be made on that plot of land again! 

This year I have been tucking away the veggies into plastic bags and sharing them with friends and family.  In doing so, I thought about what a great ministry a garden could be.  Taking a bag or basket of freshly grown vegetables to a neighbor to “break the ice”, opens the door to new friendships and sharing of lives, testimonies, and love.  What a beautiful way to love your neighbor.

Lately, I too have begun to love the idea of community gardens, supporting local growers, eating organically, recycling, and living with less.  The later part of that statement doesn’t come so easy to me because I love my “stuff”.  I have been thinking a lot, however, about the benefits of “less is more”…less of a house, less furniture, less decorations…less stuff.  It would free up my mind and time so that I can concentrate on what matters more, that being serving others, spending more time with family and friends, and of course, gardening!!!

This week I will celebrate my 50^th birthday!  Encouragement abounds from friends, family, and even research I have done that this next decade will hold some of the best years of my life.  I have been so blessed already and I am truly looking forward to what God has in store for me.  As He whittles away and shapes me into His image, I hope that more and more as I look in the mirror, what I see will not be an aging semblance, but more so a beautiful reflection of the one who gave all so that I might live…the one who is my advocate, my strong defender, my friend… Jesus Christ.’

“To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”  

-Ephesians 4:22 - 24