Reaching For The Light

"Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.” 

- Sarah Ban Breathnach 

The last couple of years have been the hardest years of my life, emotionally that is.  My losses and struggles really took a toll on me, yet I wouldn’t trade that valley for the highest mountain experience ever.  I wouldn’t trade because the walk through the valley forced me to make the changes in my life that I was stuffing into the box of denial and avoidance.  The word seasons has been done to death when relating to life, but it is absolutely the best description I can think of.  My experience forced me from Summer into Fall.  I find it interesting that Fall has always truly been my favorite season of nature, but when it came to the seasons of life, I avoided it like the plague.  Now that I have transitioned and accepted all it has to offer, I am in love all over again.

So many beautiful things have come out of this experience.  First and foremost I am experiencing a closer walk with God.  He was with me every step of the journey and gifted me with insight of who He made me to be and how time weaves change into each season.  I am still the same person, but with different purposes for different times.  He showed me that even though my life may change, He never changes and His love stays the same, always.

I had to learn acceptance of myself and others, true forgiveness, unconditional love, and dependence upon God.  At the risk of sounding cliché, I had to let go, and let God.

As a result of what I have learned, I am able to enjoy this season.  I have learned that I don’t really want to work so hard; that being a grandmother doesn’t mean I have to let my hair go gray and wear a tent dress, it means I now have some children to love, spoil, create memories with, and pass along family traditions to; that I NEED to write, it’s good therapy; that I can help others because of the struggles I have experienced; and that basically, I am OK, just as I am.

A few of my pumpkins and gourds have tossed a few clods of dirt and are reaching for the light.  I love that.  They have to get through all the dirt to reach the light.  Imagine that…

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” – Hebrews 13:8